Just Online

Dear Ann,
Thanks for letting me know that you were only teasing
me. But even if you had expressedly criticized me, I
would not be offended as life is too short to worry
about things like that.
My second wife in Indonesia was someone selected by my
No. 1 in Indonesia especially to help in the running
of this foundation. You you ever have a chance to meet
her one day, she will wholeheartedly tell you that
with the second, her name is Murtisari, the foundation
would never have progress to what it is today.
In any event, I financed the foundation especially for
the future of my wives and children. I have no legal
shareholding in the foundation as the laws of
Indonesia prohibits foreigners to have any equity
share in a foundation.
Keep smiling because at this moment, I am smiling.
Sincerely
Tan R (Rudy)

=====
Roosevelt Tan
aka Rudy S., Grandmaster
Indonesia Therapeutic Massage Foundation

Dear Dorothy,
Thank you for your understanding and kind words. It
has given me the lift that I needed because I've had a
very tiring day. Started working on the renovation of
our new premises at 6.a.m. and it is now nearly 6.00
p.m. - I will have to continue again at 8.00 p.m. with
the electricians who started working last night.
--- whitegoose <whitegoose8@...
The K
Book of Records as the world No. 1 in relation to
deliveries. Bet you didn't know that.
Singapore is a very small country but it boast quite a
few No. 1s - perhaps it's due to our "kia-shu"
mentality.
I agree fully with you that our culture is grossly
unfair in placing so much pressure on a woman to have
male heirs. After the 3 daughter, I tried to explain
that fate is fate but to no avail - she is Chinese and
although English educated like me, is still very firm
on culture.
I am happy and proud of my 3 daughters; they are well
behaved and intelligent. My second and third daughters
have chosen to be Christians and my second daughter,
Tracy, is active in church social work.
Sincerely
Roosevelt

Dear Everyone and Whitegoose, Just a reminder to everyone that the vaccine
is widely available now and it's advisable for those of us who are facing
winter and haven't done so to line up and expose their arms.
Largely because of your advice, Whitegoose, Bill and I had our shots a
couple days ago. It was my first flu shot ever. I kept looking for an
adverse reaction afterward because I'm such a silly and I'm happy to say
that neither of us had any reaction at all.
Not only was this my first flu shot, it was the first time I've ever been
given an injection in a supermarket! Our doctor had no vaccine, but by
golly the supermarket did. Fast, painless, cheap ($10.00) and, of course,
no prescription.
I understand that the doctors are not very happy that retail stores in our
area were able to purchase the vaccine before they were. At least our
doctor wasn't, according to his nurse.
Next the pneumonia shot! Love, Mary Claire

Hi Ann,
I guess you are right. I am finally acting like 60, but it's hard!
No, definitely DO NOT act your age if you can get away with being
young and slightly foolish.
I have never actually dyed my hair in strange colours. I used to
like having it "streaked" all over (so I looked piebald). I also
had a blonde "bang" or "fringe". The rest of my hair is dark brown
only now I have 2 wonderful streaks of natural white (not grey )
that look very dramatic. For years my natural hair was flaxen
coloured with a faint "reddishness" common to those of Irish
ancestry, but it darkened over the years.
I have gone out shopping with my teenage granddaughter wearing her
purple/red/blonde wig (she thought it was a "hoot").
I thought Sinead O' Connor very elegant and dramatic when she was
bald. So I can empathize with your feelings of hating yourself
looking "sloppy."
How old is your baby and how are you feeling now coping with a baby
and your nursing studies?
I had my hair cut real short recently. I wear fake fur hats when
it is cold. Also my winter coat (more like a sleeping bag) has a
huge fake-fur trimmed hood.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Dear Roosevelt,
I am enjoying the glimpse into your culture as expressed in your
messages.
No doubt some of our customs are as strange to you as yours is to
us. Many years ago, a cousin of mine gave birth to twins in a
Singaporean Hospital. I was astounded to hear that a baby is born
every minute at this huge hospital.
It is sad that so much pressure is brought to bear on a woman to
have a male heir. There are still many in Canadian society who
desire "male heirs" but in general, a healthy babe of either sex is
welcomed equally. I always felt especially "lucky" to just have
one of each.
Thank you for explaining the consensual requirements regarding
multiple wives. That takes a lot of responsibility and "taking
care of." I'm glad you have everything harmonised and under
control.
And you do have a very distinguished name!
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Zooky, and Reinhard,
The taste of lamb is very much influenced by what they are fed, and
the time of year they are "harvested." I would never buy lamb
raised anywhere but on Saltspring Island, B.C., Scotland, or New
Zealand. The fat has to look "pearly", not yellowed. Those places
that sell "rack of lamb" with all the fat scraped off are to be
avoided at all costs! The base for true Irish Stew is "mutton."
Mutton is also used in Scotland as the choice for potato soup
stock.
I'll "pass" on the camel meat. Beer at Macdonalds!! Wow that has
to be a marketing ploy to get German residents to visit their
establishment.
I had a most embarrassing moment when visiting my inlaws in
Braunschweig, Germany. One meal served was a small mound of raw
ground meat, surrounded by two huge onion rings, and sprigs of
parsley on top. They were all eating with gusto, and I had to run
to the bathroom and "throw up."
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Gwenda,
I could never eat tapioca either - I always felt it was congealed
"fish-eyes."
My one-years younger brother was the family "glutton" and he ate
everything I could never finish. To this day I cannot face stew or
soup with large onion bits (Harry made me paranoid thinking they
were worms). I always do my onions in the blender with a cabbage
leaf or two so they are well camouflaged.
Bananas and Bird's Custard with coconut flakes on top is still a
favourite - children love it. I still make a "mean" rice pudding -
ovenbaked, but pick the raisins out of mine (Harry convinced me
they were snails).
BTW I enjoyed your reindeer trivia! <chuckles
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Al,
Amazon.com advises that
is out of print. They will do a query on a network of bookstores
for anyone who wants to buy it.
I would think your local library might have it or be able to obtain
a copy.
(Ive included it on Page 9 of our bookstore, which I am currently
working on.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Al- my neurologist gave me a copy ofArthur Joseph's book when I got sent home
from the hospital. I agree it's a wonderful book especially in the early scary
days. Kate

Gwenda-it will take a while for the anti-depressant to take hold and
kick in.I misunderstood what you meant when you said "take a holiday"
time off at home can be just as relaxing.I hope Dennis decides to go to
Plymouth Court without too much of a fuss. It must be confusing for him
to switch from you taking care of his needs to him helping you be able
to take care of your own needs. I hope you do winn the lottery! Kate

Now, Al, I won't go so far as to throw out the hash browns,....love those,
too.
Love, Mary G

Folks and GWBoN,
When I suffered my stroke three years ago, no one explained to my wife or I
what to expect.
It was months before we found a suport group (Thank you RIO).
One of the things provided me there was a book:
"The Invaluable Guide to Life After A Stroke..
An Owners Manual"
By Arthur Josephs*
*Someone who's been there
=============================================
Check here to read the reviews and more information:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/AmadeusPress/
118 informative pages written by someone who had been there.
==============================================
Oh Great White Bird of the North, I plead that in your benevolence and
wisdom you may see fit to add this book ($14.95 at the above site)
to your well rounded book list and to provide a link.
I recommend it very highly. I found it informative and helpful.
Onefinger salutes you... and having writ bows to the North

This is fairly accurate, which is why I was REALLY amused when Rudy said
that his first wife was depressed over "her inability" to give him a
son- it was actually his "fault" for using the wrong bullets to hit his
target! (All people uninterested in genetic stuff stop reading here).
Humans are diploid creatures in terms of their genetic makeup. Every
person has 23 pairs of chromosomes. Of each pair, one is inherited from
the mother, and one is inherited from the father. Womens' sex
chromosome pair is an XX, and thus they can only pass on an X
chromosome. Men's pair is an XY, so they can pass on either an X or a
Y. Rudy, since you were the one actually passing on the gender, I hope
you didn't let your senior wife feel too guilty about this!
This is accurate too, as far as I remember from Anatomy and Physiology.
But hey, this means Rudy is in luck. If having two wives and resultant
extra kids doesn't stress him out, nothing will. Oughtta be spittin'
out boys the rest of his reproductive life. :)
Ann, willing to be that if his senior wife isn't aware of how gender
determination works, he's not gonna let her know at this late date!
:)

I received this today from another list.

Something from the Female boosters club!!!
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, Male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolf to Blitzen........had to be a female.

We should've known this when they were able to find their way.

Sunshine,

Gwenda

Thanks to everyone who's helped me on my problem. I'm still feeling pretty low, but at least I don't feel like I'm at the bottom of a dark hole any more - and it's thanks to you wonderful people who, every day, show how much you care! Thank you.

Ann, you said:

Guilt trip him! be absolutely shameless and enlist friends and family
members to assist you in this and guilt trip him!
I'm working on this. Dennis' family all live far away - 3 overseas, and only one in the South Island. This is not to say that most of them really care about what's happening down here. Maybe I'm being rather cynical when I say this, but I think they are quite happy for me to shoulder the load for them. Maybe I should guilt-trip them, not Dennis!!

I told Dennis the other evening that I need time out, and that he will need to go into Plymouth Court for a few days - you would have thought I'd told him he was going to have to climb Mount Everest on his own! So then I said that either he went in there for a few days every six months, or else he would be going to stay there permanently. Maybe he can't speak much, but I was left in no doubt about how he felt!

Kate, you said:

Involve him as much as possible in planning your "battery re-charging" getaway by looking at maps and brochures together and talk about what kind of "keepsakes" or souveniers he would like you to bring home for him.

Unfortunately, any battery-charging will have to be done at home, because our finances don't stretch to me travelling away. I'll just have to win the lottery - oh, the dreams of this happening!

Going to a facility might be a vacation for him also. He'll have different
walls and people around him. Different food to eat, etc. It's for a certain
period of time after which he (and you) will be at home.

He doesn't like going to Plymouth Court, for some reason. The people there are always very friendly, etc, and I know he gets good care. I think it's just that he doesn't have me running around doing things for him all the time.

Which is really part of the problem, I suppose. Dennis can be very demanding at times, and I have learned (?been trained?) that the easiest way of dealing with this - i.e. to prevent tantrums - is to respond quickly. I suppose I do many things for him which he could do himself, but this situation has developed gradually over the last 3 years or so. It's not until you stop and step back for the wider viewpoint that you realise just what has been happening.

Wouldn't know how
to assert myself with Dennis, but you've received some good advice from
others. Tell him you are going because of "doctor's orders" and that it's
mandatory and not negotiable??? Hard to do, isn't it?

OH YES!!!! I'm working on it though. Just little hints here and there every day. At this stage I'm planning for a few days off near the end of January - it's a bit complicated, but that's about the earliest time I can do it because of other things that are happening.

whitegoose, you said:

the families
should be told in your Christmas News letter that because of this
you are unable to send cards and gifts. Make a resolve to do this
next year in plenty of time for them to send you "a little extra"
to help out. It is my view that most family members haven't a clue
about how a disabling illness affects family income and they need
to be told. If they are really caring, they will understand and
would be glad to contribute a little if they knew.

Dennis' children have know for some time that we are unable to buy Christmas gifts. But as for giving us money - HUH! Only one has ever offered, and even then she didn't follow through. They know that we are on a pension, and seem to expect that we are ok financially. Because his family don't see the day-to-day care required, they really haven't a clue. Though I must admit that on their rare visits home (as in every 3 years or so) they will help now and again.

I suppose I'd better put in a bit of background here for the newer people in the group. This is Dennis' 3rd marriage(he's 66, I'm 49), my second. He has 7 children, 9 grand's and 5 great's. I have 2 children and one grand. His children age between 46 and 25, the oldest 3 live in Auckland, then Yukon; London England; Nelson, NZ, and Brisbane, Australia.

Cheryl, you said:

One thing I am learning is that if you need help it is OK to ask for help.

I think that's part of the problem - I seem to have been very successful at projecting this image of a strong, coping person, so now everyone just assumes that I'm fine and doesn't even ask anymore.

Time to give them all a bit of a wake-up call I think! As I said before, use the guilt-trip on them, not Dennis :))
SO YOU ARE HEREWITH ORDERED TO FOLLOW DOCTORS ADVICE.
Dennis will not be happy at first, but will be the more happier having you
back with batteries freshly charged.

Reinhard, thank you also for your comments. I'm glad you pointed out that this is really a universal problem, and not unique to me/us. Kind of puts it all into perspective, doesn't it!

Anyway, I've rattled on for long enough. Once again, my grateful thanks to all of you for being there, and for caring!

Sunshine,

Gwenda

I very much like lamb, but I can't tolerate mutton. In either case, both of
them are superior to McDonalds. The camel meat was chewy, though. Put it on
a bun that instantly crumbled and ya had a mess! btw - we did go to a
McDonalds in Munich. I was sort of stunned that they served beer. But, I
quickly got over that - I drank my lunch whilst the others gobbled down junk,
hehe.

Hello from Germany,
So now I know the real reason behind the secession war in the US. It was not
slaves, it must have been grits.
Will ask our employees travel office for a reduced ticket to Virginia as a
retired gourmet, for I never ate grits in the USofA.
Seminola is called Griess in Germany (a refined version of grits, Z00ky!) and
a regular on my breakfast or dinner table.
Regarding McDonalds : Gwenda will probably agree, that mutton is better than
the meat McDonalds serves. All the mutton we buy up here is from New Zealand
and never made "baaaa" at me.
Hamburger patties at McDreck never made "mooo" at me, just were disgustingly
10% meat, 20% fatty fluid, 70% gristles.
Maybe aversion against grits is just a problem of preparation.
When in Texas I got an aversion against steaks because of the horrorful abuse
done to them in roadside restaurants (served in "country style").
Reinhard

Mindboggling! Semolina is very popular in healthfood stores (at least in the
US). I remember our days of living in Germany - loved stuff made with Semolina!

Hello to group and Roosevelt -
Ann rightly pointed out that trouble equals "two women under one roof". (The
Chinese sign). I always thought, that this referred to a wife and her
mother-in-law, which is a problem all over the world.
When my married Muslim friends were over here and sometimes made too boggly
eyes at women, I suggested, that they take a German blonde as second wife.
Generally they refused because they did not want hell at home.
But about the name Roosevelt it came to my mind : In 1945 the three mightiest
men met in Jalta, to divide the world into their zones of interest :
Stalin, Churchill and Roosevelt.
Soon after, Roosevelt died of stroke. Stalin and Churchill met the same fate
years later, as Lenin some 30 years before.
Nevertheless : Roosevelt, where exactly is your clinic ? As in the next year
I might be hobbling around Singapur, if there are not too many bureaucratic
problems with visa etc., I could pay a visit.
Ma asSalama ! Reinhard

Hello Gwenda,
being in contact with several Stroke Clubs in the area I heard from many
cases where the caregiver is near burning-out from problems of caring, plus
managing household and financial affairs (Relation female/male 90 : 10).
Best solution for the caregiver is a TIME-OUT twice a year. This will also
benefit the survivor, as with a new carer and/or new surroundings abilities
might develop again, which were "impossible" before, because of possible
"over-caring".
We have some astonishing reports.
SO YOU ARE HEREWITH ORDERED TO FOLLOW DOCTORS ADVICE.
Dennis will not be happy at first, but will be the more happier having you
back with batteries freshly charged.
Reinhard

Dear Ann,
You have your culture and we live by ours. My first
wife became chronically depressed when she felt and
kept on blaming herself for failing to do her duties
as a Chinese spouse, the spouce of the eldest in the
family at that. I have often given her relief through
my qi energy therapy but it never last; I'm not god
that can control her thoughts and inner emotions. It
was especially bad for her every time my younger
brothers or sisters visited as all of them have male
and female offsprings.
The legal aspect does not worry me too much. By the
way, I'm a Singaporean, not an Indonesian. The law in
Singapore prohibits polygamy except for Muslims who
are allowed 4 wives, but the second marriage must have
the written consent of the first wife. In the case of
the third marriage, the written consent, jointly and
severally, of the first 2 wives are mandatory, and so
on. I have the necessary written consent.
Sorry, I have to reject your kind offer. I already
have my legal quota of 4 wives, one in Singapore and
the other 3 are in Indonesia.
I have no intention of migrating to the U.S. or any
other country. So the legal problem in regard to my
multiple wives does not apply.
I have the name Roosevelt because I was born some 2
hours after FDR was relected on November 8, 1940.
I am English educated and am an illiterate on written
Chinese characters nothwithstanding the fact that I
speak Mandarin fluently along with 6 other dialects.
Even if the Chinese anagram for trouble is what you
say it is, SO WHAT. I have everything prettry well
under control. My first wife, her name is Nancy,
visits here often and get along with all her 3 juniors
like sisters. When any of my 3 other wives visited
Singapore, Nancy will guide them around to do shopping
and what ladies usually do.
I hope you've enjoyed my reply
Sincerely
Tan R.

=====
Roosevelt Tan
aka Rudy S., Grandmaster
Indonesia Therapeutic Massage Foundation

Well... it beats eating at MacDonalds...
Noddy

I contacted my friend Carl Wilson, Tuscaloosa. The tornado had the
width if 7 football fields and cut a swath across Alabama, 3 miles
north of Carl's place, and then turning south and crossing a mile
south of Carls place. The day of the tornado it was 75 deg.F.
Next day - 0deg.F.
Carl (a moderator with the Strokenetwork) and a friend of mine,
assured me his family and relatives are OK. But he has friends who
lost lives and all possessions. Let's keep them in our minds and
hearts.
Love, thoughts and prayers for Tuscaloosa.
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Mary C wrote
<< The ideal Southern family leaves in peace and hominy (something
like that, anyway).
HHHaaaHHHaaa. I think it's "Peas and hominy" but you were close
enough Mary C.
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Gwenda
I agree completely with Kate and Whitegoose. They gave such wonderful
advise about how to explain to Dennis that you need a break, and I also like
Whitegoose's idea about the Christmas Letter. All of my family knows my
financial situation, and they are not in much better shape either. So
everyone knows not to expect much. Just to be together is what is important.
I was really depressed about Christmas, I think mostly because of my
finances. But I have come to terms with that (I think). Things can't
always be what we would like them to be and that is just the way it is. One
thing I am learning is that if you need help it is OK to ask for help. That
is something I would never never do, but am learning that sometimes,
everyone needs alittle help now and then. I think telling Dennis that it is
Drs Orders is a great idea. and maybe if he is not to upset about it,
planning it with you is a good idea to. Makes him feel like he is doing
something for you! You are a wonderful and caring person and you deserve
some time to take care of yourself. You are important too, not just Dennis.
Whitegoose is right, most families don't realize what a strain it is for the
Caretaker of a stroker, financial, emotional, physical and every other way.
You need to do this for you.
Love,
Cheryl

Dear Rudy,
I used to work in Government in Kitimat. We had a Planner by the
name of Lee Tan, who looked Chinese, but came from India. He is
now a Planning Director with Surrey British Columbia Municipal
Govt. He was with the United Nations for a while. Gosh I wonder
if you might be related.
Now for your message. My comments IN CAPS after yours.
<just kidding
RUDY, THEY WON'T SUE YOU. THEY HAVE THE MIGHT OF THEIR PROFESSION
AND THE PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES, THEY ARE MAKING SO MUCH MONEY YOU
ARE ONLY A LITTLE FLY IN THE OINTMENT. MY ADVICE IS TO GO QUIETLY
ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS HELPING IN THE AREA YOU KNOW BEST (tcm) - AND
THE PEOPLE YOU TREAT WILL BRING ABOUT THE CHANGES YOU HOPE FOR.
I AM QUITE SKEPTICAL. BUT I KNOW I WAS HELPED TREMENDOUSLY BY TCM.
I KNOW OTHERS WHO WENT TO TCM PRACTITIONERS AND IT DID NOTHING FOR
THEM. MY MESSAGE TO THE GROUP HAS ALWAYS BEEN - IF YOU BELIEVE IT
WILL HELP YOU - GO FOR IT. (SO LONG AS IT WON'T HARM YOU).
YES THIS IS A GREAT CONTROVERSY IN CANADA/US ALSO.
I will respond to you offline about my mother's emphysema.
But in general (for the groups' sake) I will say that what you say
about this is certainly plausible. Mother has other problems.
best wishes,
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Rudy
,
My responses IN CAPS following yours.
I GUESS I AM RESPONDING TO YOUR 2ND MESSAGE FIRST. I SOMETIMES GET
WAY BEHIND IN MY EMAILS.
RUDY, I BELIEVE I AM NOW ACTING MY TRUE AGE 60. I WAS BLESSED WITH
GOOD POSTURE, ALWAYS SLIGHTLY UNDERWEIGHT, SMALL-BUT LONG BONED,
CLEAR SKIN, AND A ZEST FOR LIVING. STROKE WEAKENED THE HEART
MUSCLE
AND LEFT ME RIGHT-SIDE WEAKENED. - I AM NOT NEARLY SO "LIVELY", BUT
I DO "HAVE MY MOMENTS" OF VITALITY AND EXUBERANCE AND JOY OF
LIVING. I SEE THE PERIOD AFTER STROKE AS "LIVING ON EXTENDED TIME"
THAT THE GREAT UNIVERSAL FORCE ALL OF US CALL BY DIFFERENT NAMES -
HAS GRANTED ME. SO LONG AS I DEVOTE MY TIME TO TRULY TRYING TO
HELP OTHERS. I CHERISH THE FACT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THIS "EXTENSION
OF LIFE" AND TRY TO ENJOY IT TO THE FULLEST, HAVING REGARD FOR
THOSE LESS FORTUNATE THAN ME.
NO NO, RUDY, DON'T SEND ANYTHING. WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY.
I BELIEVE YOU. I WISH YOUR CLINIC EVERY SUCCESS.
YOUR SCANNER CAME WITH SOFTWARE. DOES IT HAVE A "READ ME" FILE.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO PUT SOMETHING ON THE SCANNER AND JUST PUSH
THE BUTTONS (SWITCH ON YOUR PRINTER) AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. PLEASE
WRITE TO ME OFFLIST ABOUT THIS.
THE NEXT NOTES YOU GIVE ARE VERY PERSONAL. IN THIS GROUP WE DO GET
PERSONAL AT TIMES (THO' WE DON'T HAVE TO). THANK YOU FOR THIS.
(WE MAY NOT UNDERSTAND, BUT WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO RESPECT).
YOU MUST BE PROUD OF THESE THREE GIRLS. MY HEART IS WITH THE ONE
WHO, DESPITE HER HONOOURS IN LAW - WANTS TO BE A TEACHER. GOOD
LUCK WITH THE THIRD ONE. YOUR WIFE IS TO BE COMMENDED ON HER
WONDERFUL DAUGHTERS.
THANK YOU FOR TELLING US ABOUT THESE INNERMOST PROBLEMS (WHICH AS
WESTERNERS, WE REALLY DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND).
WELL SOMETIMES THAT'S A DADDYS PRIVILEGE TO SOOTHE THE LITTLE ONE
WHILE MOMMY GETS HER MUCH-NEEDED SLEEP.
love,
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me
I'm going down the garden to eat worms
Long thin slimy ones, short fat fuzzy ones
Ooey gooey, ooey gooey worms

Hi Ann,
I had never heard of polyamory before. I've also had 2 husbands
(but definitely not at the same time). We have an opportunity here
to learn about another culture. Rudy (Roosevelt) will correct me
if I am wrong, but I believe the first wife takes precedence over
the 2nd wife (and acts as a "big sister" of sorts). The second
wife produced a "son", so has "special honour" I think.
Immigration laws do not normally interfere in the status of the
emigrant regarding having two legal wives in the country of origin,
but there would be difficulty in having a 3rd wife in the U.S. or
Canada, I think.
I worked for several months with Canadian Immigration. I recall
having to research a particular area in India to determine if it
was legal there for first-cousins to marry, and the legal marrying
age(it was legal, and the legal marrying age in that area was 11
with consummation to take place at or around the females age of
commencing menses!). Normally these children do not meet until
their wedding day (arranged by the parents), have 2 years of
friendship, and usually end up having very happy and successful
marriages.
Taking a second (or more) wife is never done lightly according to
what I have read. The responsibility on the man is a grave one.
I seem to recall reading in some great medical tome that all babies
start out as females. The fetus receives an extra
"gene/chromosone??? at a certain stage of development (this
originates from the male sperm that fertilized the egg) and is born
a male. In other words, it is the male sperm that determines
whether the baby will be male or female.
In my psychology classes, we learned many more males were conceived
than females, but they are weaker than female embryos.
I read (a long time ago) of studies that documented when the male
was not under stress - females were usually conceived. All this
may be interesting, but completely irrelevant. You are a curious
person though (like me), so thought I would tell you about it. I
go through phases of reading intensely about something, then when
all is satisfied, I go on to something else.
Thanks for your post stimulating my "grey matter."
Oh and hang on to your present husband - Not allowed to look for a
husband on this list <grins
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Shame on you Onefinger!! <chuckling
to deserve all this? Even Gwenda lost her lunch appetite!
Honk! and Honk!. Consider yourself goose-beaked!
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Mary Claire,
I know the huge areas of Canada and the States are in the grip of
winter. We have been having really icy roads. So has Wyoming.
Bill and Carol Ann had their car doing spins on ice (luckily the
road was clear at the time).
I am glad you got yourself a portable heater. Hope you are feeling
much better now and that Bill is doing fine as well.
love,
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Two things- First, no matter what your senior/first (what is the correct
term?) wife said, aren't you aware that the Chinese anagram for
"trouble" is a picture showing two women under one roof? :) I am
continually amazed by the number of people that I meet who are able to
manage multiple relationships, whether it is in the form of legal
marriage, such as you, or in polyamory, as with a number of people in
the States whom I am friends with. (For those who are unfamiliar with
the vagaries of such things, polyamory is having multiple romantic
relationships without the bonds of matrimony.) Hey, I didn't say I
thought it was a good idea, that's just what it is! Key in this of
course is being open and honest with all involved partners, or you crash
and burn pretty fast. Legal question- if you decided to emigrate to the
United States or another country that did not permit multiple marriage
partners, what would the status of your marriages be in a legal sense?
Would you be required to put one aside, or would both marriages legally
stand, or would only the first be considered binding, or what?
Second, I must admit to being somewhat bemused to meet (however
distantly) someone from Indonesia named "Roosevelt"?? How'd your
parents come up with that?
Curiously yours,
Ann
P.S. Hey, you up for a third wife? I'll be an R.N. pretty soon, so I'd
be useful....Oh, my husband is looking at me with that cute and very
fetching pout he gets. Never mind. :)

I've been following the Grits discussions with quite some
amusement.
It brought to mind a "pudding" that we ate in Scotland as children.
It was called "Semolina" (the ingredients were listed as "pure
semolina wheat" but it was white gritty-like powder, cooked in milk
(like rice pudding) with sugar added. After emigrating to Canada I
couldn't get it. I tried something in Canada called "Cream of
Wheat" but it didn't have the smooth texture of the semolina.
If I ever visit the "Deep South" I will have to sample some Grits
(I like the sound of onefinger Al's breakfast tips).
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Gwenda I'm coming in late on this, but am adding my support to
Kate's advice, and the other group members. It sounds like you are
close to "burnout". You have to be firm with Dennis about this,
for both of your sakes. I'm glad Dr. Anna was so supportive during
your visit. Remember that most antidepressants take a few weeks
before you start feeling the benefits.
Also, this advice is probably too late, but Dennis's stroke placed
extreme financial constraints on your budget, and the families
should be told in your Christmas News letter that because of this
you are unable to send cards and gifts. Make a resolve to do this
next year in plenty of time for them to send you "a little extra"
to help out. It is my view that most family members haven't a clue
about how a disabling illness affects family income and they need
to be told. If they are really caring, they will understand and
would be glad to contribute a little if they knew.
I searched the internet in vain for your "misery" poem. But had a
wonderful hour reading some lovely poetry at poetry sites I
visited.
I hope you have a wonderful time with your daughter, SiL and am
looking forward to seeing a picture of Noah.
love,
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Ummm Grits
Grits are a staple of the southern breakfast.
Keep those hash browns away from me :-)
First of all, grits are nothing more than
coarsely ground dried corn. If you grind it
finely, it is corn meal. Grind it coarsely
and it's grits. Soak it in a mild lye
solution and it's called hominy. I never
tried hominy. Can't figure out why you'd
soak grits in lye.
Anyway, there's not too much to cooking
grits. You just pour it in a pot of
boiling water according to the instructions
on the bag or container. You cook it over
medium to low heat stirring as it cooks. If
you don't stir it occasionally it clumps up
and may even stick.
There are a lot of things you can do to enhance
the flavor.
- My grandmother used to stir in raw eggs
as her grits cooked. It gave it a unique
flavor.
- We also used to add fatback to our grits.
Fatback is salted pork with the skin attached.
It is mostly fat so when you fry it your get
a lot of salty grease and a crispy piece of
skin. We used to sprikle to cooked fatback
over our grits to add a little flavor. We
also used to pour a little of the grease onto
the grits to add a little flavor.
- Some people add Accent (monosodium glutimate)
to their grits. This is a flavor enhancer and
it does add a lot to the flavor.
- Others just add a pat of butter and sprinkle
a little salt and pepper on their grits.
There is no wrong way to fix grits. It's just
a filler to go along with your bacon and eggs.
Grits sort of takes on the flavor of whatever
you eat it with. If you eat it by itself, it
just tastes a little "gritty."
There is even a "grits" web site!! I have no idea why...
http://www.grits.com/
Onefinger salutes you..

--- indomassagefoundation

Dear Dorothy,
At age 60, I'm not too bad. I had to stop for an hour
to do what a husband has to do.
I'm sorry that your stroke "has aged you at least 10
years." I personally feel that you are wrong. You do
not write and even feel that you are 60; like me, you
are like someone in the early 50s.
Remember this, if you allow yourself to BELIEVE that
you have aged, you are old. Feel young and you'll be
young, notwithstanding your chronological age.
On backaches, I only wish I had the opportunity to do
what you did to the 22 years old "beautiful goddess".
I've actually lost count on the number of chronic
backaches that I've cured since the founding of this
foundation in 1993. I would very much like to send you
copies of the testimonials I have in hand. Most of
them are from westerners.
I bought a UMAX 2000 recently and the seller had it
installed and did a test page. That's all he knew.
I've been trying to scan the testimonials of my
ex-patients and have them included in my webpage; I've
failed miserably thus far. If you are someone in the
group and instruct me accordingly, my website will be
much more insteresting. BY the way, I did not set up
my webpage. It was done in just 15 minutes by a nephew
who was back in Singapore for a week from Stanford U.
On a personal note, I'm the first generation of my
line that's born outside China. My parents were from
Hainan Island, which is now a province.
I married in 1968 and we have 3 loviely daughter. The
eldest is a news editor with The Straits Times, the
second is an honours graduate in law but has opted to
be a teacher instead and my third will be doing her
final (second) year in junior college when the new
term begins in January 2001.
My wife became depressed because she failed to gave me
a son - at her request, I married again (I'm allowed
to do so as a Muslim) in 1984. She gave me the son I
wanted in 1991 and this prompted me to set up thie
foundation as the means of their future.
That's all for now. It's 12.35 a.m. here and my little
11 months' old daughter is crying.
Sincerely
=====
Roosevelt Tan
aka Rudy S., Grandmaster
Indonesia Therapeutic Massage Foundation

I did have all my tests on a computer basis because my visual
perceptual deficits made
it difficult for me to mark the row and column I intended on the written
test.
Yeah, I have problems with this too. Fortunately my solution is a piece
of paper over the answer sheet to make sure I stay on the same line. My
vision does mess this up- it looks as though it has a big dip in the
line, but I can see from looking that the dip is wrong- after all I KNOW
that all sheets of paper are supposed to have a straight edge. On a
multiple choice test this also has the advantage ofof allowing me to
decide what my answer/s is/are before I look at the possible answers on
the page. This is important, because often the answers are so similar
as to really confuse me. If it was a direct simple question it would be
simpler to some extent. I also talk to myself (very quietly) saying the
question number and answer letter as I back and forth rom the test to
the answer sheet. In addition, although ALL the tests say "Do not mark
on this test booklet" I do so mercilessly, crossing out elements of
answers I know to be incorrect and thus ruling out answers, and crossing
out answer letters of the answers I have to be determined not to be
options. Did that make sense? Then I circle the one left over that I
have chosen to be the answer. This has the advantage that if I do screw
up on the answer sheet, I can always ask the instructor to go back to
the test booklet to see what my answer was supposed to be. Not all
instructors may be willing to do this, but it is a reasonable
accomodation, and they won't win any brownie points with the Academic
Success Center (our student academic help center that provides tutors,
etc.) if they aren't willing to be somewhat flexible with their students
who have disabilities.
Ann

Dear Dorothy,
Please note that Tan is my family name and I prefer to
be addressed by my given name, notwithstanding the
fact that it is not something original.--- whitegoose
<whitegoose8@...
I am now back in Batam and with the help of my yonger
sister, her 12 years old son and my 2 daughter, we
have just completed about half the painting job of our
new clinic that will have 7 therapeutic rooms, a
pretty decent size rest/waiting room and a reception
office. We arrived here at about noon and I decided to
call it a day just about an hour ago because we are
all exhausted.
I now refer to your email of Sat, December 16 "To Tan
Re: Headaches.
I do really appreciate and value your apology for
putting me through the "third degree". The apology is
really unnecessary because people who has not been
cured by our foundation will tend to believe that we
are charlatans making impossible claims to con people.
I have been getting worst third degree than what you
have given.
Your advice to forget the medical profession is sound
but then, I'm stubborn. I will keep on hitting at the
medical profession until such time they have no
alternative but to try to silence me through the
courts. That's waht I want. Like you've stated, it's
pointless to sue them but my aim is for them to sue
me.
On alternative medicine, I must sadly admit that
therer is much to be done in the field of herbal
medicines. The control require to ensure standard does
not exists. In a lesser degree, this apples also to
natural and massage.
I'm sorry to learn of your mother's severe emphysema.
While the medical profession defined it a condition
whereby the alveoli of the lungs have become enlarged
or ruptured or breakdown with the result that the
surface for gas exhange is reduced, so reducing the
oxygen level in the blood and making it difficult for
the patient to breathe, I cannot agree to this
definition fully. In its prelimary stage, the
condition is easily reversible. In severe cases, the
patient's condition can still be improved, normally to
as level that will allow the patient to breathe almost
normally but the condition will worsen quickly when
the patient is under high stress, be it physical,
mental or chemical.
Her migraine headaches that she had suffered all her
life is attributable to her breathing problem, without
her realising it as such. Think it over, if you cannot
breathe normally, your body system will naturally get
less oxygen. In most cases, the organ most affected by
the oxygen starvation condition is the brain. In the
initial stages, the often felt symptom is giddiness
tiredness and lack of concentration. When prolonged,
part of the brain cells are hurt to result in
throbbing headaches.
You have mentioned that her headaches do not last long
now, ever since she has been put on "pure oxygen" for
her emphysema. Base on this, don't you think that it
is logical to relate her headaches to oxygen
starvation???
Our therapy can effectively cure the prilimary stages
of this condition and help to reduce its severity of
severe cases.
I have to go now but if you are interested on the
modus operandi to cure the malady, please let me know.
Please address your emails that require my attention
with: To Roosevelt.....
Sincerely

The ideal Southern family leaves in peace and hominy (something like that,
anyway).

Gwenda

So very glad that you went to the doctor and she was empathtic to your feelings and needs. I a glad she put you on an antidpressent. they really do make a difference. I agree with your doctor. You do need a break and what she suggested sounds great. Now ideas on convincing Dennis, I'll have to think about that one. Does he realize how tired you get trying to keep up with everything? That is a hard area, because you don't want him to think that you want to get away from "him". Hey group, any ideas? I am glad that you are starting to feel better Gwenda, I felt so badly that you were so low. You don't get that way often, or if you do you keep quiet about it. I wanted to help so badly, but of course being in another part of the world, not much I could do. Keep us posted about this OK.

Love,

Cheryl

Hi there,

Well, I did it! After worrying about the reception I'd get, I forced myself to go to the Dr today, and had a real heart-to-heart with her - turns out that she really does understand how I feel, because her father was a "stroke victim" (he didn't adjust to his new 'state of being' very well). So the result has been that she has prescribed antidepressants for me.

Dr Anna was also adamant that I needed a holiday of 1 week every 6 months (I get carer support paid for by the Govt.) But the only problem is persuading Dennis that he should go into care for that week. Any ideas I can use, folks?

I do feel much better now, mostly because of your support. That's what is so great about this group - we all understand what the effect of Stroke is on our lives! Thank you, and a great big hug! Also one to Kate for her words of advice and encouragement recently.

Sunshine,

Gwenda

Dear Tan,
My comments IN CAPS following yours.
<<... I want to help the patient but how long can I continue
I TOO AM 60 YEARS OLD. BUT SOME DAYS I FEEL MUCH YOUNGER THAN THIS
CHRONOLOGICAL AGE, AND SOMETIMES I FEEL A LOT OLDER. I WAS ONE OF
THOSE PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS LOOKED AND ACTED 10 YRS. YOUNGER THAN I
WAS. STROKE AGED ME AT LEAST 10 YEARS.
IN MY LAST YEAR AT WORK *UNIVERSITY OF BC* - I ATTENDED A SEMINAR
FROM THE "WORKER'S COMPENSATION BOARD". THIS ALMOST 22 YR. OLD
"BEAUTIFUL GODDESS" INFORMED US THAT ALL BACKACHES HEALED NATURALLY
AND MOST BACKACHES WERE JUST A "MYTH". NOW, I HAVE MILD SCOLIOSIS
(SP?)
AND SHE HAD TO ADMIT (FROM MY QUESTIONING) THAT THIS MALADY WAS
AN EXCEPTION ... TO CUT A LONG STORY SHORT ... SHE RESIGNED FROM
WCB OVER THAT DAY THAT SHE ADDRESSED US. Not because of me (thank
Goodness), but the people with REAL BACKACHES WHO TORE HER APART.
Tan, he who knows not - (with tongue in cheek) - is a true learner!
:
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Whitegoose
Really strange that duck or goose of yours. All or should say most of the
geese I knew were not really nice, They would put there heads with their
long necks close to the ground, running and honking as they chased after my
daughter when she was small. I remember how afraid she was of them. IT was
funny to watch, but I am sure it was not funny for her at the time, though
she laughs about it now.
Love,
Cheryl

To Kate (and others),
If you only have the use of one hand, a rocker-knife is a godsend.
There are several to choose from. Just visit our very own website
to decide which one is best for you.
Counter aids, fixed boards, etc. are expensive from the commercial
sites. One good idea is to approach tradesmen Union organizations
- to see if they will make something for you. They usually will -
at a fraction of the cost.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Dear Halie,
The bottom dentures are the problem. When the bottom teeth are
taken out there is an important muscle function lost (nothing to do
with stroke)}. Don't force Mom. Encourage her to use her teeth
only one or a few hours day. During these hours do not expect her
to speak, and forget about eating with them - maybe tea or water.
Right now she has so many other worries and frustrations, but
getting used "again" to the teeth is like learning to walk, only
worse.
Your other question. Pureed food. I've had to live on it for long
periods - (years ago I was anorexic) almost any fruit or vegetable
can be blended (pureed) and the pulp used in in broths, in jello.
Yes - it's quite possible to get all your nutrition this way. Bulk
comes from cereals, beans and a variety of fruits and veggies that
can be blended and mixed into a palatable meal.
Try giving Mom canned salmon, oysters, to tempt her appetite. Even
smoked salmon, anything "fishy" you can cut them up and beat them
to a pulp with a good wooden "chopper" - the omega oils will be a
benefit for her.
Hoping to hear good news from you soon.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi to Group,
Reinhard told us about mail order companies offering tools and
equipment for handicapped persons. Check out the health pages at
your very own Strokesurvivors International Website.
Lots of aids for strokesurvivors. Please feel free to recommend
other mail-order sites.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

I have to admit I am lost in all these nurse discussions.
But good luck to Ann also, and Lara.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Cheryl,
I was sitting on the steps from my deck to the grassy bank leading
down to the lake. This strange goose/duck came out of the water
right up to me, making aggressive movements to others on either
side of his path. Now you know me by now (always have a few slices
of bread in a plastic bag behind me). Before "he" reached me I had
a slice of bread out backing up the steps, and he "walked" right up
the steps - my hand proferring the bread just a little out of
reach.
He was quite happy on the deck (I was mad at myself for not having
my camera handy). I played tricks with him, and he manoevred
beautifully (he was no threat to me - but made aggressive moves at
those on the grassy bank just below my deck.
Well, I fed him the bread. And he pranced around like royalty.
I gave him a good slap on the breast and he obliged by spreading
his wings (then I saw the white underpatches). I fed him more
bread to show my sorrow at slapping him, and he nuzzled into my
hand making "queer" noises from his throat. Then he turned round
and waddled back into the lake and I never saw him again.
:)
whitegoose

Not to be too picky, but grits are made of hominy which looks like coarse white corn. I agree with Cheryl and I like them if they're slathered with enough butter, sugar and salt. Cream helps too. But then I like almost anything that has lots of butter, sugar and salt!

So sorry you're feeling depressed, Gwenda. If only fond thoughts could cheer you, you'd be feeling much better already. Take care of yourself and best regards to Dennis. Love, Mary Claire

Ann- my visual perceptual deficits and the spastic paralysis of my badly
contractured left arm did leave me unsafe for floor duty, for clinicals I
was assigned to another student and I was given the task of writing up the
evaluation criteria of interventions used and asigning all the nursing
diagnosises. If Ididn't have the visible deficits of a gnarly left arm, I
would have to have come up with a differentaccomodation proposal, the only
thing I didn't have to do "hands on was stsrting an IV but I did write up a
step by step procedural outline with cognitive aspects listed. I did have
all my tests on a computer basis because my visual perceptual deficits made
it difficult for me to mark the row and column I intended on the written
test. The practice NCLEX covers everything the board exams do. You can do
it! Kate

Hi All:

A while ago someone posted an essay, "I'm Still Me". In transferring my data to my new computer, my copy of this essay evaporated. If any one still has this essay around and could send it to me, I would appreciate it very much.

Ron Schloss

1stsgt33@...

Fine Gravel they put on roads is an apt description!!!
Ron Schloss

clinicals.
I have had a neuropsych eval, but wasn't planning on using it for these
purposes.
I have been in contact with my speech therapist, and she has suggested
some strategies
for learning. Also, the format that my school uses is exclusively
journal writing
for the nursing classes- no tests! Weird huh? So I have spent the time
that I
used finishing my journals coming up with a journal writing procedure,
much
like a nursing care plan, in that I looked at old journals and came up
with the
steps that I used (albeit in a somewhat less regimented way) to come up
with
the journals that were getting me A's.
I plan to do my clinicals right along with everyone else, assuming that
I am safe
to do so. I also plan to use a PDA
with some checklists that I will develop to ensure that I don't ever
leave anything
out.
I had most of them done since I started as a non-traditional like you
who already had a B.A. in Psych.
deficits.
Fortunately my sequelae are mild enough that they aren't visible to the
outside
observer unless I am tired. My personality is unchanged and although I
have some
learning problems, they obviously won't be visible to a prospectice
employer.
I don't plan on letting prospective employers know about the stroke and
seizures
until AFTER they hire me. I'm not obliged
to, and they aren't entitled to ask except to inquire whether or not I
have any
disabilities that would prevent me from doing the job with "reasonable
accom-
odation. I am also blessed with wonderful instructors, who care about
me and
respect me enough not to feed me a line about my capabilities. If they
detect in class
that I will be unable to safely be a floor nurse, they will tell me. I
have also
been prepared to switch horses mid-race if necessary and move to a
different area
of nursing, like discharge planning, and more admin duties like you
have. It is
encouraging to hear from someone else who has done it. How were your
grades
after the stroke? My goal is grad school, to become a certified nurse
midwife
(oh, to live in a state where direct-entry midwifery was legal!), but
I'm not sure
how my grades will turn out. Fortunately I think the format of the
nursing courses
will lend itself to me learning the material better, and the big issue
will not be
so much learning, but showcasing what I know. I'm a little worried
about the NCLEX,
because my test-taking strategy does not fit at all with how it is
administered (all computer
can't go back and answer questions), so I plan to try to use the ADA to
get it admini-
stered paper and pencil. I need to be able to cross out the things that
I have ruled out
as prospective answers on the paper, and then go back after a short
break and look at it
again. If they're not willing to bend on this they are gonna look REALLY
stupid.
And I plan to try to use the news media to publicize it and embarass the
crap out of
them if they won't make this reasonable accomodation. I will also do
one of the prep
courses EXCEL is what is recommended at school) so hopefully that will
help
prepare me as well. Here's the tough part - we feel strongly that a
good bit of the
sequelae were completely avoidable- they didn't even notice until the
night after he was
born! (He was born at 1.00 am on Wed, they didn't notice a problem until
Thursday
evening, even after I complained of visual disturbances- they had me on
magnesium sulfate
to reduce my BP. We are toying with a lawsuit for 2 reasons - a) the
stroke didn't have to
happen. They mentioned seizures as a complication of preeclampsia, but
not stroke. While
I value as natural a childbirth experience as possible, I valued my gray
matter more. Had they
mentioned brain damage I would have grabbed the scalpel and started it
myself if necessary.
b) the length of time that it took for them to diagnose, or even suspect
it. Over 36 hours.
And this is after someone with extremely elevated blood pressure
complains of sudden
drastic visual problems! From looking at the CT, I'm certain that the
wait and resultant
swelling is what caused the majority of the damage. My dilemma is
this: if I sue, what are
my chances of ever getting a job in this town? I know that this kind of
information gets around,
On the other hand, if I don't, I may not ever be
able to make a living at my chosen profession, compliments of their
negligenceand may need the financial resources provided by a settlement
or award. I'm not
litigation happy, I don't think, but this just doesn't seem right to
me. Your thoughts (or of
anyone else on the list?)
Ann

Lara- good luck on your exam and good luck to your mom. This is such a busy time
of year to have all those things going on at once. I'll say an extra prayer that
you do well on your exam and that your mom's surgery goes well also. Have a new
holiday, Kate

Sounds like I'm missing one of the greatest taste sensations of the 20th
century !<vbg
like the fine gravel they put on roads?
Gwenda

Betty- sure sounds like good progress to me! If you happen to live in a cold
weather state, actually soap,water, and washcloth is all that is recommended for
daily washing of the "smelly parts(feet,crotch,feet etc.during the winter months
anyway to prevent drying out the skin too much.Kate

Thanks to everyone who has sent me feedback, ideas, encouragement, I
appreciate all of this as I start out on my career journey. As I wrote
before I am taking my licensing exam Dec29th and studying for it now. I am
also having a holiday party today and then (my family and I live in
Illinois) my husband is driving me to Mayo Clinic (in Minnesota) to be with
my family this next week as my mother has surgery (she has breast
fibromatosis). So, I will be silent this next week, but I would appreciate
your thoughts and prayers. I can tell that this group will be an insight
for me in my work with patients. Thanks again to everyone - I enjoy reading
about your joys, stories and struggles. I'll catch up later.
Lara

could convert into a
bedroom.<
Oh, yes, and that is probably what I will end up doing. I can use the
dining room which connects to the family room and kitchen. Unfortunately,
there is only a very small half-bath on that floor but we may have to make
do.
And there's another problem, too. Gil and I were planning to move to
another state just as soon as he recovered from the open heart surgery which
started all this. I still intend to do that when he is able, and that means
I don't want to put a lot of money into this house in the meantime.
I found out Friday that his evaluation to be moved back to the hospital for
intensive rehabilitation is Monday and I'm crossing my fingers. His current
physiatrist and rehab workers all think he's ready, and he's very eager to
go. I'm excited becasue I got more inforamtion about the program and it is
really intense--seven days a week, in fact, several hours every day with a
team of 13 health professionals.
I see progress!
Betty D. in Colorado

Dear Kate,
I must admit that I am not familiar with the U.S.
legal system. Thanks for pointing out to me the 3
years stature of limitations.
Notwithstanding the limit, there must be sufferers who
are now still suffering because of erroneous
diagnosis.
In 1995, a 65-years old Indonesian banker came to me
with a chronic banker that made it hell for him to sit
for more than half an hour. He had gone through 3
operations in the U.S. and still suffering. We put him
through 2 weeks of treatment and he is now able to sit
comfortably for 3 to 4 hours at a stretch.
When he first came to us, he showed us all his tests
results. The diagnosis were different. Why must the
honorable and highly respected medical profession be
allowed to do this????
Sincerely yours
Tan R.

Tan- I think you don't give Western medicine practitioner's enough credit.
Even though they still have a long way to go, there have been tremendous
strides in the increased awareness regarding the role of stress in the onset
of various health problems many of the Western doctors approach the issue by
providing patient education and instilling a sense of personal
responsibility for health because research does show rather conclusively
that it is impossible to seperate the effects of stress itself from the
effects of unhealthy coping mechanisms such as smoking, overeating and not
taking many of the stress reduction workshops offered by many employers
and/or major health care facilities. Kate
BTW 6 years for an inconclusive or incorect diagnosis for chronic back pain
isn't unusual given the rapid advancement of technology to help with
diagnosing conditions in the last 20 years. Western doctors were until about
the 1980's or so much better at determining what wasn't going on(ie- better
able to rule out than to confirm) and diagnosing based largely on the
history provided by the patient. It is unfortunatethat sometimes doctors
cannot readily diagnose certain conditions but most Americans hold on tho
their right to seek a "second opinion" rather fiercely.I do think there is
some basis in cultural differences in the difference of opinion that you
have with Western medicine. Kate

Dear Cheryl,
I want to help the patient but how long can I continue
to do so on my own??? I'm already 60-years old (born
on the day when FDR was re-elected, hence the name
Roosevelt)
I too had suffered from chronic backaches for 6 years
that specialists diagnosed differently. I'm not
getting back at the doctors for my past suffering
because.....
He who knows not, knows not he knows not, is a fool,
ignore him.
He who knows not, knows that he knows not, is a child,
teach him
He who knows, knows not that he knows, is asleep, wake
him.
He who knws, knows that he knows, is wise, follow him.
What I'm trying to do is to get the medical profession
to accept the fact that stress is something tangible
and is therefore removable. The medical profession
have and will continue to ignore this fact but if the
majority of the general public has awareness, doctors
will not find it so easy to get away with using long
and different unpronouncable names for say, headaches
caused by high accumulated stress.
I hope this honest to goodness answer will put a smile
in your face that will last through Christmas and the
New Year.
Sincerely,
Tan R.

=====
Roosevelt Tan
aka Rudy S., Grandmaster
Indonesia Therapeutic Massage Foundation

Hale- you might want to have your mom seen by a maxofacial/ oral surgeon it is
fairly common for the jaw to change alignment after a stroke particularly with
any facial muscle weakness, teeth grinding is another fairly common post-stroke
problem. If the dentures are slipping out you might want to ask about having a
speech and language therapist evaluate her control over her tongue movements.Her
diet sounds well-suited for her inability to tolerate her dentures, there is a
product called "Thick it" that can be used to thicken thin liquids for people
with swallowing difficulties most people end up adding either soy sauce, vanilla
food flavoring or lemon juice to any liquid that hss had Thick-It added to it
because the thickener gives even plain water a rather chalky taste. Kate

Hello!
I joined this group a couple of months ago and am appreciative of the
support
that reading your messages to one another has given me.
I am in the position of being a caregiver. My 78 yr. old mother
suffered a stroke
while on a cruise with a friend on Sept. 10, 2000.
I have a couple of questions. One is that my mother seems to be unable
to keep
her dentures in her mouth after the stroke. They keep sliding out. I took
her to
her dentist that specializes in dentures and he has re-lined them. However,
she still
gags on them and refuses to wear them now. The dentist feels that it may be
too
soon after the stroke for her to wear them successfully. I have given up
for now to
try to convince her to gradually get used to them by wearing just one of
them at a
time for an hour or two, as the dentist has suggested. Does anyone had a
similar
experience for themselves or someone they know? I'm thinking that the
muscles in
her mouth are quite right yet to accommodate keeping the dentures in.
The other question I have is that my mother is still on a puree diet
(which she hates)
due to the lack of dentures at the moment plus she still has somewhat of a
swallowing problem--mainly with thin liquids. I have been making sure that
she
consumes three cans of Ensure or Boost every day. The only other food she
wants
to eat is soup, jello, pudding. Hopefully, she can exist on this type of
diet until she
can someday wear her dentures again and the swallowing improves with time.
When
she was an in-patient at the rehab. hospital, the staff didn't seem too
concerned about
this type of diet. She's now going to out-patient rehab. Any advice about
any of the
above?
Thanks very much

Whitegoose
Wow, that sure is a funny looking bird. Sort of a turkey like duck. Was he
friendly? I have never seen anything like that before. I think I would
have been afraid of that one. LOL
Love,
Cheryl

Whitegoose
My reply to your message in caps.

Hi Gwenda

I am so sorry you are feeling down. You carry a heavy load, with working, your responsibities with the Girl Guides and caretaker for Dennis. You have a right to feel the way you do. Cannot expect to be happy and "up" all the time. Please do go to the doctor. I know about unsympathetic doctors. I have had a few myself and when you are feeling sad that is the last thing that you need. Is there any thing I can do to help or say that will make you feel better? Christmas time is hard for alot of people. I am having a hard time this year. Finally put up decorations under the insistance of my daughter. I would have just as soon skipped it this year. I also have no money for Christmas. The few things that I am giving I am making, but you know what, I haven't even started those. Can't seem to get motivated. So I think I know how you feel. But you know what, I have decided that Christmas is not about gifts anyway. It is about being together with the people that you
love and celebrating family and embracing life. I am so glad that Dennis is doing better. Hopefully when the docs get his meds straightened out the seizures will be fewer. I am so glad that

you are going to your daughters house. You just hug and squeeze that grandson of yours and you will feel better. there is nothing like a baby to make life better. I know what you mean by wanting to hide in the corner. I have felt like that many, many times and you helped me thru that. remember?

Hang in there. We all love you and understand how hard it is

for you. You have to expect "melt downs" now and then. I don't think you have too many, or if you do you don't talk about them. I would love to see a photo of Noah. My thoughts and good wishes are with you along with my prayers. let me know what the doctor says about Dennis and YOU.

Love

Cheryl

Whitegoose
We have something very similar. It is called the parade of lights. It is
in Newport Beach. All the ships, boats and yachts decorate with lights.
They go up and down the bay area. I have seen it once and it was beautiful.
Alot of time it is too foggy to see them and alot of people are disappointed
because they buy tickets to this event and then cannot see them very well.
The one particular night I saw them, it was clear and beautiful. All the
ships and boats had lights in different shapes like trees, santa and
reindeer and everything else imaginable. Absolutely breathtaking.
Love
Cheryl

Dear Tan,
You wrote:
<<...In my books, I do not offer "miracle cures" although
many of the stroke survivors that I've accepted for
treatment have asserted that I do "miracles".
I'm sorry I put you through the "third degree." I am very
protective of my group (like a "Mother Goose" and her goslings,
haha). You have calmed my feathers!!
Thank you so much for clarifying that your clinic does help many,
but is also honest in turning away those it feels it cannot help.
You also wrote:
<<The express aim of this reply is to correct an error
of yours. I've not been QUIETLY fighting the medical
profession in Indonesia over stress. I started with
Harvard Boston and all the major medical universities
in the States and am still hoping that someone from
the medical profession will get around to sueing me
for slanderous writings against the medical
profession. For reasons best known to themselves, the
medical profession has chosen to ignore me.
Yes, I did misunderstand you. Let me advise you (wisely I hope) to
forget the medical profession. They ignore everyone and
everything, except from their own colleagues and the pharmaceutical
companies. Lawsuits against the medical profession are long drawn
out, expensive, and just not worth pursuing. They are slowly
beginning to realize that alternative medicine, natural, herbal,
massage, etc. are gaining ground with the general population.
There are lots of controversies about these also. Issues involve
standards for herbal and vitamin supplements. Regulation often
involves massage price increases (economics). Lots of other issues.
My mother, now 80 and suffering from severe emphysema, is now 80,
suffered all her life with migraine headaches. She lost many days,
and even weeks to this malady. She visited many doctors and
clinics in Britain, even a famous Harley St. expert (and costing
much money) to no avail. Had she known of your foundation 10 years
ago she would have been a ripe candidate for you, and would have
flown to Indonesia. She loved to fly abroad to different places.
Her last trip abroad was to Israel. Her "headaches" don't last
long now, ever since she was put on "pure oxygen" for her
emphysema. She gets oxygen tanks delivered to her home. She
cannot walk up steps anymore (Mom was always fond of her food and
stands 5'11" in stocking soles - she is a very large woman). My
own theory was that she ate too much carbohydrate food.
I also better explain here. My Dad was from N.Ireland. He died
several years ago (lung cancer). My mom is from SW Scotland.
Because of the Irish troubles, I was raised by grandparents in SW
Scotland. I lived south of London, England, for about 10 years
with my first husband and we emigrated to British Columbia, Canada
in 1966. My parents followed in 1969, and my sister (& her family)
followed in 1971). My second husband I met in Canada, is from
Brunswick, Germany. We have remained good friends since I
separated from him in 1990.
I have always been interested in the different medical schemes from
my perspective in Scotland, England, N. Ireland, then Canada, then
the U.S. What kind of medical plans are in effect in Jakarta?
I'm glad we are getting our "differences" cleared up. I think we
can learn a lot from each other as we respect and tolerate our
differences.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Cheryl,

It seems this group is the only place where I can get positive feedback about what I do. Just lately, things have been getting me down more than what they usually do, and at the moment all I want to do is go hide in a corner somewhere. Things are getting on top of me. I'm going to have to grit my teeth and make an appointment to see the Dr tomorrow (Monday, here) - trouble is, she and her practice nurse can be somewhat unsympathetic, and I don't think I could take that. And don't say, go see another Dr - there is only the one practice here - the next nearest is in the next town 25 miles north of here.

On the brighter (?) side, Dennis is fine, but he's had 3 seizures in the last 9 weeks. We go see his Dr (specialist) tomorrow, so we'll sort out the medication then, hopefully. We will be going to Christchurch on Friday for a week, and the bright spot of that will be seeing my daughter, SiL, and grandson for the first time in almost 5 months - and Noah is only 8 months old! Hopefully I will be able to send a photo for people to see when I get back.

Anyway, time to go prepare dinner (supper, to the North Americans!). Tomorrow is Monday and the lead-up to Christmas is getting more intense. The pressure to spend money is also very intense, especially when we can barely afford to pay the bills, let alone buy gifts for everyone - another reason for me to be feeling down.

Does anyone know the ending to the poem:

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me,

Going down the garden to eat some worms.

Long fat slimy ones........

Thanks for listening,

Gwenda

Hi Cheryl,
We love reading your emails, so don't be concerned about writing
too much or too little. This is a comment regarding your response
to Lara.
I remember when you first joined the group you were in a panic
state because your therapy had just been "cut off" by your
insurance people. And you were struggling with important decisions
and tasks concerning yourself, your family and your job, as well as
feeling vulnerable and helpless.
I had no idea your stroke was (likely) caused by a medication. Can
you remember what it was called? Also you say you were on steroids
for a year-and-a-half. No doubt, there was a genetic disposition
to stroke (from your mom's side), but I am very wary of steroids.
They are supposed to be good meds - but there is always a
trade-off. If my memory serves me correct, our Mary G.'s diabetes
was caused by mistreatment by steroid meds.
Another item of stroke, which just crossed my mind, and Tan might
be enlightened to know. When persons have a stroke in our
"developed" countries, we are literally reduced to poverty. We are
usually working for a good wage or salary, but it takes every penny
of that to maintain a decent lifestyle. When we are hospitalized
with stroke, and stay off for months, perhaps for good, we are on
an extremely low government-based income, or employee insurance
plan which is usually much lower than our salary. But after a
Stroke, our medical needs cost so much money, that many of us are
left striving to make ends meet, as we struggle to maintain some
semblance of our former lifystyle in very grim circumstances.
You've done tremendous Cheryl. I believe next year will be much
better for you. Just don't work too hard (I believe you're doing
full-time) until your classes begin again. Make time for YOU!
love,
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Thanks Kate,
I have been in communication with Ken (NZ) and have managed to find
him addresses, phone nos. and email addresses for programs in Stark
County, N.Dakota.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Tan,
I found your foundation's website, and it is very interesting and
enlightening to read about the therapy. I think our group members
would get a better understanding of the therapeutic massage offered
by reading all about this at the website. It is very long folks,
but I'm sure you'll find it interesting, and some will find it
quite worthwhile.
The site link is:
http://www.geocities.com/indomassagefoundation
In general, U.S. and Canadians do not trust the words "miracles and
cures" - those of us who are sceptical subscribe to the viewpoint
"If it sounds too good to be true - it usually is." Others do not
believe in miracles at all. For others, we view miracles as
"having survived our own strokes." In fact, many strokers'
families were given very negative prognoses, who are alive and
surviving quite well, as a result of medications and varying forms
of natural and alternative therapies.
I think you are being too generous in wanting to send your few
remaining tapes to people over here. I believe it is a waste of
time and money (just my own personal opinion). There is much
information on your website. I would suggest that if anyone too
far away from Indonesia is interested in this type of therapy, and
believes it would benefit them, seek a local TCM (traditional
Chinese Medicine) practitioner. TCM is generally used for all
eastern traditional medical practices.
I had truly impressive results during the first year after my
stroke when I went for 8 weeks of sessions (1 hour per week) to an
oriental
practitioner who used acupuncture, acupressure, and what he called
"Deep Tissue Massage." I felt truly wonderful after each session,
and at the end of the sessions, the slight central pain (something
Strokers often get) went away. I was "cured." Alas, it came back,
and ranges from mild to very occasionally quite severe. Many
western trained medical doctors are taking courses and offering
these treatments, but, again my own opinion, none are as effective
as the orientals. My TCM practitioner relocated, and I have moved
a few times in the past couple of years, but I will eventually find
another oriental practitioner (all have different techniques also,
we did a lot of chanting of "sacred words" or "sacred numbers", but
I was given the option of chanting prayers or "mantras."
I happen to believe there is much benefit in massage and
hand-healing-touch techniques. In Vancouver, BC we have a large
Asian population - new, as well as 3rd and 4th generation
immigrants. I feel fortunate to be able to experience some of
these wonderful cultures right in my own City (and visit their
fabulous food markets).
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi to Group,
I understand that this tradition has now been started in some
coastal Cities in California, and New York. Weather can be a bit
"iffy" here. However, we went last Thursday night which was
probably the best night for a while anyway. It was late afternoon
when the snow started, just a light rain on the coast, which
stopped during the last hour of the cruise - and it was even warm
enough to go outside. The ships are medium to very large, all
decorated with lights (one sailboat had Christmas lights depicting
the outline of a huge Christmas Tree). They go inward up False
Creek, then turn around, all following each other. So you get to
see all the ships either going in (while the others are coming
back). Loudspeakers broadcast the carols which can be seen and
heard on the populated shorelines. Truly a wonderful spectacle.
The big storm got serious during the nightt. Yesterday and today
has been vicious. 100,000 people were left without power because
of downed trees and powerlines, and I heard that 100,000 were
similarly hit in Washington state. The temperatures went up and
snow melted on top of the ice turning the roads into skating rinks.
Children in New Westminster were actually playing ice hockey in
the streets (very unusual for our little Lotus Land corner in sw
BC.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Carole,
I get so angry every time I read about therapy being stopped
because the insurance company "decides" they have paid enough.
This is an area that should be decided by the patient's primary
medical caregiver (in consultation with the therapists).
I think Lara can make a mental note here - when doing your reports
about patients progress, make sure you always end those glowing
reports with a "however, this patient definitely requires and will
benefit from more therapy." (I'm just kidding, of course, but I
believe this fact is not insisted upon enough by the primary care
people).
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Dear Tan
I tend to agree with Kate. I think maybe your motives may be misplaced. Do
you want to help the patient, or get back at the doctors?
Cheryl

Dear Reinhard
You can order those special boards with the spikes to hold potatoes, onions
or what ever. Also have special aids that fit around the burners on a stove
that hold the handle of a pot or pan in place, allowing a person to use one
hand to stir with and not have the pan or skillet slide. The also have
those potatoe peelers that you put the potatoe in, or an apple and just turn
a handle and it peels it for you.
Cheryl

Hi Reinhard,
I am glad to hear you are contributing your living body to medical
science so they can "observe" your development at the Bobath Centre
in London, England.
I did a search on Metacrawler.com for "Bobath" and found numerous
German and UK Sites. Also one in Jerusalem and one in Israel. But
could not find any Canadian or U.S sites.
Someone has actually emailed me asking if I know of a Bobath
Treatment Centre near OHIO, U.S. for her 10 yr. old child (who has
cerebral palsy).
For Lara, and others who may be interested in this - here are a
couple of sites:
The following is for instruction courses in NDT (Bobath) Therapy -
There's even one in Vancouver, BC.
http://www.iceseminars.com/
The second is a UK Treatment and Training Site. Good information
on this site about the treatment. I notice it is also covered
under the British health scheme after referral by your doctor and
confirmation by NHS (National Health Service) as to what they will
pay for.
http://www.bobath.org.uk/
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Lara,
You have a wonderful attitude in starting your career. I'm sure
you will help many stroke victims to become survivors.
The devastation of stroke affects the entire family. I have little
or no recollection of my first month after stroke, and the second
and third ones are pretty blurry. In our disucssions, from our own
experiences, we have found that in general the doctors tend to be
very negative as regards recovery, and the therapists seem to be
our lifesavers - so go, girl, go - and do your very best to be
gentle, but firm, positive and cheerful.
We are the same person "inside" that we were before the stroke,
only some of us find our body parts & limbs no longer work, or if
they do, they have a mind of their own. Also many of us have
speech and swallowing difficulties, even bladder and bowel control
difficulties. And we often get very confused, frightened and
scared as to what has and is happening to us.
Feel free to ask us any questions you may have. And don't forget
to tell your patients when they leave the hospital about our group.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Ken wrote:
<<Hmm. Our four white geese sound really very bad when they sing,
if
you could call it that. The Red-tailed Black-cockatoos sound much
better, and they are nothing to write home to Mum about.
Hi Ken,
The other Ken (in NZ) is not part of our Group, he just sent me an
individual email and I posted it).
I can honk pretty good (it's definitely not singing in any sense of
the word. My four white geese are gone for the winter (finding
them would be like going on a wild goose chase). They'll be back
next summer. Any chance of you sending us a picture of those
lovely geese and your cockatoos?
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Hi Reinhard,
I recall a discussion & believe it was your idea to put stainless
steel nails through a kitchen board to hold potatoes, apples etc.
for one-handed cutting. I know Canadian Tire hardware stores do
sell long stainless steel nails, and I'm certain U.S. and other
countries' hardware or building stores have them or can get them
ordered.
A friend of mine had a counter board altered by adding 2 "sides" to
it, which was then screwed into the counter. It had two 1" thin
wooden strip standup edges - one at the left side and one at the
back, and he had slots made in the board itself where he could
insert thin strips of wood into the slots. He had slots made for
2 sizes. One would hold snugly - a normal bread slice, so he could
spread a slice of bread or toast with only one hand. The other
slots formed the size of the unsliced bread he liked - he would put
the wooden strips in the slots, set his bread in, and cut it
without fear of slippage. He got a carpenter friend to make it for
him.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Barbara! What a great idea - using the Thanksgiving Weekend to get
all your Christmas Decorating done. Especially with such a large
number of helpers and participants. I'll bet everyone had a
wonderful time.
:)
whitegoose
=====
Visit http://strokesurvivors.homepage.com and check out the Bookstore!

Tan- Your offer is quite generous but it makes me wonder how familiar you
are with the US legal systemthere are occasionally enormous settlements
awarded to the victims of malpractice but those are so few and far between
that the generally make the fron page of the newspaper. More often than not
it turns out the physicians have far greater resources to obtain superior
legal representation than the patient and often claims are simply dismissed
for exceeding the 3 year statute of limitations on personal injury claims.
The 3 years begins as of the date the dr first missed a diagnosis, not the
date the patient became aware of the misdiagnosis. Sometimes, the patient is
offerred a token sum of money to withdraw their suit to avoid bad publicity
or the nuisance of the dr spending time on legal matters instead of medical
matters. In short, although it sounds like a good idea, I just don't think
it has a practical application in the US.Respectfully yours,Kate

Hi Cheryl,
We have had snowstorms the last few days, (turned to rain in
Vancouver today) but out in the Valley - where my RV is located it
is in the grip of a snowy, icy winter (just like many places north
and south of the border). The Resort is officially closed during
November, December and January. I went there last weekend to make
sure water and gas was turned off (left the heaters goi